Imperfectly perfect

It's odd the kind of thing that can make you sit down and start documenting after nearly ten months of silence. There are so many posts in my head, some that may still be written, many that will not and not a day goes by that I don't have a draft running through my mind. But today. Today! Today is the day that inspired me to finally sit down and write.

It really was a nothing of a day. There were ups and downs, and at least one temper tantrum to be sure. But what sits with me tonight as the boys are both in bed is that today I felt like a pretty good mom. Not a great one by any means and not even the nicest (at one point Anderson did declare that I am a "horrible, horrible mommy! The worst, really!"), but north enough of crappy that I can sit down and not question every decision of the day, rolling over in my mind the "should haves" and the "if only"s. 

I stood my ground at the aquarium when I told the boys they could have nothing from the gift shop (hence the aforementioned horrible mommy comment) despite the loud protests, sass and tears from my kids and the side-eyes from everyone else. I had a car talk with Anderson about being grateful for what he has and saving his own money for the things he wants. I heard at least 4 spontaneous "I love you"s from the boys. TO EACHOTHER!!! And, even more shocking, I somehow made it through Costco with the two of them without threats, bribes, or both. Heck, I even got them both to pick up after themselves. 

On my best day I'm a mediocre parent at best. I yell, I lose my patience, I make empty threats, and I say things I shouldn't. But today somehow, although I'm sure I did all of the above at some point, I allowed myself to just take it all in stride. And it was a good day. 

Snack Duty | Valentine's Day

Should have posted this over a week ago, but, well, sickies in the house needed love and snuggles more than Valentines needed to be blogged.
Last year we had preschool snack duty once a month. A box of graham crackers, some fruit, and a gallon of water and all was well. If my day happened to fall near a holiday, I'd do something special; if not, crackers it was. This year we have been assigned snack week. A whole week of snacks a few times a year. No big deal. Our first week was Halloween week so for four days I did Halloween-related snacks (I take no credit for these ideas, though I'm pretty proud they actually turned out. Those spider webs were no easy feat.):

So after Halloween I thought I was in the clear. Except a couple of weeks ago Miss Denise informed me she had switched one of my no-big-deal weeks in May for Valentine's week because, well, "I just can't wait to see what you'll come up with!" seriously? That's what I get, I suppose. My only saving grace was the short week due to a holiday on Monday and the fact that Anderson doesn't attend on Friday. There was also a pre-planned pancake day to celebrate "P" week so I only had 2 actual days of "creative" snack duty. I still didn't need the pressure, however. It's not as if I don't already have a full time job. And another kid. And a problem with eating all of the treats that I make. But I did manage to pull a couple of heart-shaped things together for school, the t-ball team, and some friends:

(melon pops, cinnamon rolls, blueberry muffins, brownies, pink heart rice krispie treats)

Don't let the thought cross your mind

A few weeks back when Anderson had a cough I thought (and actually said out loud- double jinx!!!) how fortunate I was that it wasn't ear infection. The next day he had an infection in both ears. A few nights later I accidentally let myself think about the fact that Beck had been sleeping through the night for a few days straight. Up nearly every night since. Then I let the thought rest in my mind for no more than a millisecond that Anderson hadn't wet the bed in weeks. He then wet the bed every night (and mine, too) for more than a week.

Fast forward to last week when I actually allowed myself to not only think about, but to also plan the oh-so-many things I was going to accomplish during my week off. Needless to say not one was crossed off. Of course. And all because both of my kids were finally healthy at the same time for the first time in as long as I could remember and I thought about it, allowed myself to become happy about it even. And then Beck got sick. The sickest ever- ear infection, fever, cough, crying, screaming, miserable for days and still suffering over a week later. And the only thing worse than one sick kid is two and because I actually felt fortunate for a minute- it then happened. Anderson came down with croup. Again. For like the fifth time since September. 2 trips to the doctor's office, at least 5 sleepless nights, and about 15 mL of antibiotic repeatedly spit right on my face (thank you, Beck) superseded any plans I was crazy enough to even consider. My Monday morning 5am alarm for work could not have come any faster. The one and only upside- lots and lots of cuddles and mommy naps from my sickies. But of course I now have a cough, soar throat, and no voice. Because, well, I thought about it.

Valentine's Day 2014

Here is to a day full of love, love, love. My heart is more content and more full than I could have ever imagined.

Spider Love

About two weeks ago I asked Anderson what kind of Valentines he wanted to give to his friends at school. The conversation went something like this:
    "What kind of Valentines do you want to hand out?"
    "Spiders."
    "Like Spiderman?"
    "No, just spiders."
I gave it a couple of days and asked again...
    "Mommmmmy. I already told you; I want spiders!"

So spiders it is. Perhaps the only non-result-wielding Valentine on Pinterest. Fortunately a spider is within my very narrow spectrum of artistic capabilities. Unfortunately, it is rather difficult to come up with something clever to say about spiders and friendship. I'm pretty sure Anderson has absolutely know idea what it means to be "inspiring".

These win for easiest design ever. And I think I may like them the best. And so does he. Arachnids for Valentine's Day, go figure.

The worst kind of days

It's been a very rough few days around here. The kind of days where I am totally lost and all but hopeless when it comes raising my kids. Is it me? Is it them? Does every mom have days when they just want to run far, far away?

I wish I could say that we've just had a couple of "off" days, but it seems to be so much more than that. I am questioning everything I do and think I know about parenting. Something just isn't right right now and no book description on Amazon has lead me to any hope of finding an answer.

At this point my only tiny sliver of hope is that there is a highly unlikely chance that Anderson's recent behavior can be linked to his recent prescription of Augmentin for his ear infections. As of last night he is off of the medicine and I am holding out hope for a new kid in the next day or two once the drug has completely left his system. Surely it is a far-fetched to believe such a thing could really be the cause of what can only be described as completely out of control behavior, but it is all I have right now. Because the thought of dealing with this for more than a couple more days is truly unbearable.

Snow!

Over Martin Luther King weekend we went on a last minute trip to Big Bear. As it was in the 80s here by the beach, we knew better than to expect much in the way of snow. Fortunately the small amount of ice on the ground and the snow machines allowed for the boys to have their first snow experience. Even if one particular 4.5 year old had more than a few grumpy moments. There aren't many pictures as at times like these, I'd rather just take it all in rather than try to "capture" it all. But I still can't believe I have not one picture of the boys bundled up in their snow gear or tubing down the mountain. They were pretty darn cute. I promise.

Funny faces.

Christmas came. And went.

I'm within a month's time so I find it totally acceptable to just now be sitting down to write about the Christmas that almost wasn't. With the stomach flu taking out first Beck, then Gabe (and subsequently no less than 9 others members of the extended family), things didn't go exactly as anticipated. Though they never really do, do they? I managed to pull it together and play Santa and we at least got a glimpse of Gabe on Christmas morning, but the whole day was a bit of a downer and there certainly weren't many pictures taken. Four to be exact. But despite the craziness, the vomit, and the stress, treats were made and delivered, presents wrapped and unwrapped, and smiles broke through (just not for the camera). Next year has to be better. It just has to.

The year in books

Clearly 2013 was my year of random books. Though there are a few missing from this list which is why I need a list, I cant remember what I've read, this past year I either cried, laughed, or had nightmares nearly every night. I read recently that you can tell a lot about a person from the books that they read. I'm not so sure. I can watch serious documentaries for days (love them), but give me a biography or other non-fiction book and I'll likely not make it pass the foreword. My favorite of the past 12 months? Hard to say, really. I enjoyed every one for a different reason and would recommend them all. Ha! I'm no help at all.

Longing for the days

Missing the long, warm, lazy days of summer. The picnics and concerts in the park, the lack of responsibility, the carefree and lingering mornings. I'm not anxious for summer again just quite yet (my goodness I haven't even gone through the pictures of last summer yet), but my soul has been craving just a little visit. Isn't that just January's way?